Not my will, Your will

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking and praying about what to do in the immediate future. Being able to sleep in and nap and read books and drink coffee all day sound pretty good to me when I'm in the midst of a hectic work week, but right now I am rather sick of it. I've been itching to get out into the world and make a difference, even if that difference is in a very small corner of the world. Normally when I have a decision to make, I pray, write, share and reflect on what others have said. Typically, majority rules - and more often than not, there is a clear majority in terms of opinions.

This time, opinions have been divided. Quite evenly too. I get quite anxious when I don't know what to do in a situation, when the road seems unclear. I kept praying, but still an answer was not jumping out at me and the more I talked with others about this, the more confused I was getting. So I asked God to make things very clear - crystal clear - where he wants me to be at this time. To make me know beyond a shadow of doubt which way to turn.

A few days later I got a call from a program I was referred to stating that there are too many people on the waiting list at the moment so I will have to wait until the fall to do an intake interview. So that option was closed for me. I went into my meeting at work feeling peace that God's Will will be done. One friend told me to keep an open mind and to trust. I thought of all the options of what could come out of this meeting and how I would respond to each of them.

And then the meeting happened. Five minutes later I found myself facing an outcome I hadn't envisioned.

It is clearer than I expected on one hand, yet foggy on the other, problematic even. Is this really a problem or did my request for an answer come crystal clear in an unexpected way?

I am reminded of the Daniel Lanois song "Falling at your Feet" (below) and the last few lines:

All fall down... How to navigate

All fall down... How to simply be

All fall down... To know when to wait

All fall down... This plain simplicity

All fall down... In whom shall I trust

All fall down... How might I be still

All fall down... Teach me to surrender

All fall down... Not my will, Thy will

May I learn to wait, to trust, to be still, to surrender, to fall down - not my will but Thy will.

Every chip from every cup

Every promise given up

Every reason not enough

is falling, falling at Your feet

Everyone who needs a friend

Every life that has no end

Every knee not ready to bend

is falling, falling at Your feet

I've come crawling, falling at Your feet

Every teenager with acne

Every face that's spoiled by beauty

Every adult tamed by duty

They're all falling at your feet

Every eye closed by a bruise

Every player who just can't lose

Every pop star howling abuse

Every drunk back on the booze

All falling at your feet

Oh I'm falling at your feet

All fall down... All the information

All fall down... All the big ideas

All fall down... All the radio waves

All fall down.. Electronic seas

All fall down... How to navigate

All fall down... How to simply be

All fall down... To know when to wait

All fall down... This plain simplicity

All fall down... In whom shall I trust

All fall down... How might I be still

All fall down... Teach me to surrender

All fall down... Not my will, Thy will

- Falling at Your Feet by Daniel Lanois