Holy Days

I remember once hearing about Holidays originating as "Holy Days" - a time to reflect and (re)connect with God.

Today has been one of those days. I woke today with an urgency to spend time with God, to write papers and to organize my apartment. For those who do not know what has been going on in my life lately, let me explain what I mean by "urgency"! Fall is fast approaching and one of the most common questions I face right now is: are you excited to go back to school? The answer has been - I am not going back to school. I've had no desire to work on school stuff right now. Or for the past few months. And honestly, while I spend the time not sleeping in a church, my desire to connect with God has been pretty low. absent even some days. I love to watch others learn and experience God. I love talking theology. I love serving in the church. But me, talk to God? Well let's just say God hasn't been giving me what I want so I haven't wanted to talk to God. Oddly enough, I can't run from him! All the stuff I'm passionate about right now has to do with God and his work in the world. The things that make me excited and happy are all to do with God. He draws me to him constantly and I am drawn to him whether I am conscious of it or not! And last, my apartment experienced a major earthquake, tornado and hurricane all at once! I am pretty organized most of the time... and even my mess is usually an organized mess. But when I can't find my paycheque - well that's a mess that only major disasters can create!!! Add to all of this - today is my day off before a youth overnight retreat. All I had planned for today was rest. And I'm exhausted.

So today I woke with this odd urgency to do all that I have not wanted to do lately. Recover my apartment from the disaster. Reconnect with God. And reignite my desire to write papers and go back to school.

A few days ago, a close friend said that I need to try to let God into my life even if it's just a little... that I need to read Scripture and pray. Generally, i'd totally agree. But not lately. But today I marched to Starbucks with my journal and Bible in hand and over a vanilla latte sat and prayed that God would direct me to something in Scripture to start studying. Everything seemed "uninteresting" in the New Testament. I didn't feel like meeting the challenge the Old Testament books hold. So I sat there, flipping through the Bible, not knowing where to start. But there was something inside me that would not give up tryng to figure out what passage to read.

And then the words of Job ran through my mind. And I decided to read Job from cover to cover. And so here are my reflections on the first Chapter.

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This man Job was blameless and upright. He feared God and shunned evil. What a good thing to have God say about you!! Have you considered my servant Job? In the cosmic play, Job is pure and blameless and God upholds him before the evil one. I think that it is interesting that Satan says that Job's faithfulness is based on what God has done for him - in other words, take away the good, and Jobs faith will also give way. I think about the past few weeks, months even... These days I have been thinking about how I can talk to God again when God does what I want. But until that day...

People uphold me in various places I have worked and serve. One recently said that they need more Christians like me. No! We don't! We need faithful Christians! We need Christians who love God through the tough times and not just the good moments. We need Christians who will say "Naked I come from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised!"

I remember Tim Keller speaking of this in his sermon on Job. God is still sovereign even as this cosmic play goes on. Satan has limits - he may destroy all that God has but not Job himself. And more, Job is not told of his suffering or told why. But in all of this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrong doing.

What faith of the one who loses everything he has but still clings on to God!!!! I want that kind of faith - faith hat is tested, tried and true. Faith that is proved genuine.
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So this began my holiday, turning it into a true holy day. I came home from starbucks eager to start school. I have a list of courses that I want to take and a new excitement to write papers. I've been working on my Missional Congregations Paper, one that should have been done months ago but I've not had any words for. My apartment is looking more like a place where I live rather than what a tornado hit. I've caught the back to school bug.

Thank you God for Holidays!