In memory

Today is my stepfather's 50th birthday. I have mixed thoughts about this day. But I feel that since my memories that I share about him are usually about the abuse, I thought I would take a few moments and a blogpost to reflect on the gifts that he gave me.

My stepfather is a smart man. He is articulate, and can defend his point well. One of my favourite memories is of him picking up from the subway after a late night ethics class. We were debating whether elephants praise God. I lost that debate (though I still stand by my believe that everything that has breath praises the Lord - including elephants). I enjoyed the intellectual discussions and debates that we would have. They were rich and challenging.

My stepfather is an educated man. I think he gave me the inspiration to go to university in the first place and he is one of the many people who inspires me to go on to further studies.

My stepfather taught me how to write. I was homeschooled and he was the one who would mark my papers. I remember having to produce a "perfect" paper and the definition of perfect changing each year as I got older. I had to keep revising my work until it was an excellent paper. I don't think I appreciated this at the time, but I am thankful now as my professors have all said that I am a good writer and I have other people in my life say things like i "write with style."

People and relationships are complex. The one who hurt me so greatly also taught me much. I can be hurt and angry and frustrated with the same person that I am grateful for his positive influence. Steve Bell grew up with his father who was a prison chaplain. Steve said that he learned how to play guitar through the prison inmates and that they would jam together. He said that the inmates were the first to make him feel that he was a peer to them and he talked about how as a young boy growing into a young man, this was important for him. I do not believe that people are all bad. People are much more complex than that. But as complex as our relationship is, today, in honour of his birthday, I will remember the good things that he shared with me and taught me.