Peace on Earth

This morning in my devotional time I was listening to U2 music and stumbled across Peace on Earth, a beautiful song that speaks to the cry of my heart these days.


Heaven on Earth
We need it now
I'm sick of all this
hanging around.
Sick of sorrow
Sick of pain
Sick of hearing again and again
That there's gonna be
Peace on earth


I'm not patient, I want heaven on earth now. The kingdom of God is here, but not yet. I see the strife in my own life and long for the days of peace to come. I'm becoming more attuned to the strife in the world and long for peace again. I'm sick of all this hanging around - I want to do everything I possibly can to bring about peace in my life and in the lives of those around me whom I care about. I'm so sick of the sorrow and pain that my family situation has caused. As I said in my more provocative post on war, this situation is ridiculous and doesn't need to be this way. I keep throwing my hands up in the air to God begging him to do something that will change this situation and heal hearts and relationships. I do not know how God is working in my parent's hearts, but the wall is still there and reconciliation seems so far away. I'm sick of the sorrow and the pain of carrying the burden of what was done to me with accusations of making it up, exaggerating or being brainwashed. I'm also sick of the sorrow and pain though of longing for a true sense of freedom and healing for my parents which they seem to be running away from. I'm sick of hearing that there will be peace on earth, of all the trite sayings that I should trust God and everything should be fine. I trusted that God would protect me, and he denied my daily prayers growing up. I trusted that I would be reconciled to my family, and my grandmother passed away a year ago and I was not permitted to say goodbye, except on the day of the funeral with a hand written card. Peace on earth that God speaks of it must have room for the reality of my experiences. But I'm sick of the sorry, sick of the pain, sick of hearing again and again

Where I grew up
There weren't many trees
Where there was we'd tear them down
And use them on our enemies
They say that what you mock
will surely overtake you
And you become a monster
So the monster will not break you


Why do we use the resources that God has given us to continue to hurt others? I have a stash of letters from my mom and an aunt that make me cry in pain each time I read them. I have memories of being attacked on the stand, having the core of my being challenged in words in every way possible. And yet, I am not exempt from this - I too have squandered the resources that God has given me. I have despaired of life itself, failing to see it as a gift and hurting others with my careless words.

And it's already gone too far
Who said that if you go in hard
you won't get hurt


I was talking with one of my housemates about the pacifist approach and the call and cost to following Christ even when society disagrees. I look back over the past six and a half years, looking at the steps I have taken to stand for truth and righteousness and to protect those whom I love the most. I also think there is a sense in which standing for truth can promote true healing in a truly broken family. I think of Nathan approaching David who had not only stolen another man's wife, but sent the man to the front of the war to be killed. I keep praying that the words I spoke in court would be heard by my parents and challenge the way that they have looked at my dad's actions and my response. But who said that if you go in hard you won't get hurt? I feel that in calling a spade a spade and standing up for truth, as hard as that is, I am following Christ. I have made mistakes along the way, and I do not claim to be a better Christian than my parents. But I think that God has wanted me to go in hard in this situation and that ultimately His good will be brought by it. But who said I wouldn't get hurt? I have lost some of the most valuable things in my life and I have been put through the wringer in court.

Jesus can you take the time
to throw a drowning man a line
Peace on earth
to tell the ones who hear no sound
whose sons are living in the ground
peace on earth.


I cry out for peace! Come quickly Lord, come quickly.