Glory to Rival the Sun

Last week I faced a hard decision which has rendered me unemployed and searching for a new job. It's been awhile since I was in this position and this is not a fun time to be looking for a job. The university students are all out and also searching too which adds to the competition. Add into the mix that I don't really know where God wants me right now and looking at a blank sheet of paper is more daunting than clear direction. I'm struggling with pride - I have always prided myself as someone who has never had to work for a minimum wage or retail position. I've been very fortunate in that. But now I'm applying to anyone and everyone who is looking for employees. My pride has taken a hit and forced out by my current economic status!

Changes, coming up on us

It keeps moving all around us

Gotta keep dancing knowing who loves us

Gotta keep joy in our hearts

He knows all of our needs

And he will meet them following his plan

Even the changes turning in his hand

so he'll be part of it all

- from Steve Bell's Changes

My ability to trust in God's providence is also being challenged. I've never been without thanks to the generosity of others and the jobs I have held in the past. I remember times when I was running dry and some unexpected cheque arrived in the mail. I remember the day I moved here unexpectedly and how God provided a home, clothes and food when I had none. I remember finding a twenty dollar bill in my coat pocket at a time when I needed it most.

I know the stories in the Bible that talk about God's provision. In my head, I know I am worth more to him than the lilies of the valleys that He clothes so elegantly. I know that He has counted the hairs on my head and knows all of my needs.

So with all this knowledge and past experience, why is it still so hard to trust that the Lord will provide? Why does my heart begin to race as I think about the days of applying for jobs yet not reaping any results?

I like Steve Bell's song Changes because it reminds me that times of change are in his hand. And that he is working towards meeting our needs and molding us into the people he wants us to be. 

So we enter a new time

there are places where it is a hard climb

but there are faces carrying the sunshine

warming our path as we go

Sometimes we may be lonely

It's a hard job making us holy

But in the long run, there will be glory

Glory to rival the sun

It's a hard job making us holy... I think about this time of change and transition for me. And the growth that has already sprouted. A few months ago I was stuck in the hospital against my own will... now I am planning and working towards the future. When I first came out of the hospital, I dreaded even the thought of being alone and now I seek it and enjoy it for what it is. A few months ago I was angry at God, now my day can't start until I've spent time in the quiet with God, Scripture and in prayer. So maybe right now I'm not meant to have a stellar job and accolades. Maybe I am meant to learn and be still and to read and reflect and change. Maybe, while it's lonely and hard sometimes, the bigger picture is that God is working towards making me holy. And maybe, in the long run, there will be glory to rival the sun.